Kiss me with your mouth.

Shut your mouth. This isn't another one about Robert Pattinson.

No, it's one about using the mouth. With different people. For kissing.

Ewwww. Or at least I used to think so. Until I saw "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" as a young child. When the Prince kissed Snow, she woke up and tra-la-la-ed while dancing off into paradise. Honestly, does it get any better than having a rich, handsome husband who belongs to some royal family and spirits you off to a castle where you are waited on, hand and foot? On top of that, we're talking about seven other men who are at your beck and call, day or night. The short sort who are good for cleaning toilets, cooking meals and doing laundry. Plus, you have all of those woodland creatures to keep you occupied all day and pick up the slack when the dwarfs aren't available. (Hey, I'm a total fan of the women's movement - moving men to do what's traditionally considered women's work, of course.)

So for me, watching that film, kiss = frakin' paradise. Although, at three, paradise really meant more about castles, ballgowns and assorted singing animals. I spent a lot of time back then serenading people with "Some Day My Prince Will Come." So much so that my own fairy godmother (er, just my godmother) told me, "Yeah, Meg, but you have to kiss a lot of frogs first."

Boy, do I know.

My first kiss honestly isn't a story worth telling. Neither is the second. I can't find anything even remotely humorous about the stress or the sloppy awkwardness. I saw "Some Kind of Wonderful" about 50 times in 1987 and nothing - I mean, nothing - in my first experiences equaled the unrivaled passion of Eric Stoltz. (For such an inexperienced loser, damn he made dork look good.)

I've kissed my fair share. Some certainly better than others. Yes, Dr. X gets rave reviews. (But so does that guy, the engineering major, from freshman year who... Well, I'd better keep this clean.) I mean, some people you just click with better than others be it taste in music, books, movies, or, well, just taste. Kissing isn't an exact science, but chemistry certainly is involved.

And then there are kisses that never happened, but almost did. Those are the ones that leave even more of an impression. I had one of those, too. He started it, but I blocked the follow through. And for the rest of my life up to now, I've occasionally wondered what would have happened if I'd just puckered up. Sort of like a "Choose Your Own Adventure" book, but with lips instead. I would have had a different date to prom and I certainly would even today have better taste in music, but I don't know what would have been altered beyond that.

That non-kiss apparently gave me something other than chapped lips. A reputation! A cautionary tale passed on from one male to another - a grim fable about a girl with a mean shove, flailing arms and a kamikaze kiss.

I never knew I was such a tease. I think I like it, but I like being friends so much more.