All that she wants.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, right?

Tree wrestled indoors? Check. Stockings hung lopsided without care by overexcited preschooler? Check. Bank account hemorrhaging as final holiday purchases are made? Check. Nearing fatal level of exhaustion due to over scheduled holiday commitments? Check.

'Tis the season!

Daughter X hasn't asked Santa for much this year. At the top of her list is a singing Christmas octopus. I have no idea where to buy that. We're hoping she'll settle for a dollhouse and some dress-up clothes. We'll try to figure out the octopus-thing in time for next year.

Me? What do I want? Hmmm. I have been rather nice this year. Yesterday, I gave a poor guy in the parking lot of the Red Dot Boutique (Target, people, Target) a jump for his car. And I also let someone else in line ahead of me at the grocery - she had way less things. Hopefully, those recent actions alone are enough to keep coal out of my stocking.

I've made a list. Like everyone does these days. Oprah has her favorite things. Even Gwyneth Paltrow tries to tell us what to eat, buy and see. I love it when celebrities dish on what's necessary for us common folk. Oprah actually downsized this year and reworked her over-the-top holiday recommendations to reflect these difficult financial times. Can someone alert Gwyneth that over here in her homeland we're in a recession? I mean, I'm all about the Chris Bolton jewelry and I want a tag necklace of my own, but, gheesh, that Mulberry Weekend Bag in chocolate for a cool $1,395 is more than I spend on the entire holiday for my entire family. Heck, it's more than I spend on all the holidays combined, all freakin' year.

Here is my (educational) holiday wish list for Gwyneth Paltrow:

1. We all know you totally dig Mario Batali, but do you know most American working moms seem to worship this woman? How about treating yourself to a cooking class with someone of the people?

2. And even though Rachael prepares food fast, a lot of your counterparts stateside run home and serve meals like this and this. Looks like you might need a cookbook and a gift certificate, eh?

3. Speaking of food, have you ever tried this? Stocking stuffer!

4. You offer up great advice on places to stay in your adopted hometown. But do you know that most U.S. women your age on vacation with two children schlep it cross country in their minivan and stay here? Perhaps there will be a destination gift under your tree this year.

5. I'm going to have to give you props for your TopShop clothing recommendations, but you mix in a bit too much couture for us common folk. When we get funky, we shop Target. Gift cards abound on almost every aisle - tell your husband to go crazy.

6. Love it that you are so philanthropic. You can kill two birds with one stone - get some good PR photos, roll up your sleeves and actually work with the poverty stricken of NYC. Or Chicago. Or Houston. Or Los Angeles. That's the gift that keeps on giving all year.

So, happy holidays, Gwyneth! And to all of you, a good night.